“You should buy a house, David” they told me. “Buying all these junky cars is a bad financial decision,” they declared. But oh were they wrong. So, so wrong. I will admit that, when I bought my rusted-out Jeep Grand Wagoneer, my non-running 1979 Jeep Cherokee Golden Eagle, my totaled 1991 Jeep Cherokee, and the rest of my fleet, I wasn’t doing it for any “intelligent” reason. I was doing it because these vehicles are awesome and I could literally see no reason not to buy them. I was blinded by obsession. I later learned that owning lots of cars can be a burden; I’ve been stranded a few times, I’ve been overwhelmed every moment of every day for the past seven years, and my bank account has contained tumbleweeds all too often. Despite this, though, I’m thrilled to say that luckily I ended up hoarding cars that have gone up in value. People love old Jeeps! So my “problem” has actually been a decent financial decision, somehow, and that was made even clearer last week when I received this fat check in the mail:
I’m rich! Thirty-two hundred smackers — do you know how many Postal Jeeps I could buy with that? Six! Do you know how many rusty Forward Control pickups I could get? At least two! And if we start talking about parts, things get even more nuts; I once bought a running Jeep 4.0-liter engine for $145. The check above — which I earned by simply hoarding Jeeps — is worth over 22 running Jeep engines — TWENTY TWO. Anyway, clearly I’m thrilled that somehow my stupidity has paid off.
A bit of background on why I am now The Richest Man At The Junkyard. It all starts with a rule in Michigan that required motorists to pay into a big fund meant to cover folks injured in crashes. From the The Michigan Catastrophic Claims Association: It turns out, that fund has become bigger than necessary, so the MCCA decided that it’d be handing out refunds based on the number of cars each resident had insured on October 31, 2021, or roughly the time when I reached peak-hoarder. From the state of Michigan: Needless to say, I’ve been surfing my local Facebook Marketplace listings for business opportunities in which to invest my newfound riches. This Crosley right here is only $2,000. That’s so cheap I can’t lose:
And check out this 1948 Kaiser. The body and interior look good given that this car costs only $3,400:
Then there’s this Studebaker Lark for sale; it’s only $2,800! What a deal:
I have to admit, I’ve been jonesing for a Model T for some time now:
But I’m not dropping over 10 large on that. Instead, should I opt for a $7,000 Willys Whippet — the poor person’s Model T?:
Then of course there’s still that Corvair for sale for only $3,700 — the one we mentioned in one of our Shitbox Showdowns last week:
It’s pretty clear to me that buying cars in bulk is just smart business, and I need to continue doing it. I had planned to part ways with some of my fleet — and I’m sticking with that goal — but that just means there’s more room for new mechanical friends. Maybe I should buy that green two-door manual XJ… On one hand, god, would I love to see you actually complete a project. Like…seeing one of them with a nice paint job, no significant rust, and no mechanical issues? That would be amazing. On the other hand, as soon as I see that David bought another shitbox that is absolutely the first article I click on. As long as it’s not as bad as the postal jeep or the willy’s. Every article on the Willy’s I was shouting at my screen to push it into a quarry and never speak of it again. And then make sure it is registered/plated/insured so that there is zero legal recourse they can try and force the city to take. Signed, The devil on your shoulder Delorean. Stainless steel cannot rust.
